playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
