I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she looked like the before picture.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize