chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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