i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You are the jesus of drinking
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
