We're like a lot better than the average bears
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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