Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
