drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
