He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
