he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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