He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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