2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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