Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Holy shit dude........stairs
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
