Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
