She is in my trunk
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
