i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
