I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
