at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
