I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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