There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
