I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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