What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
