The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
