the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
