Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
