so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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