Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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