I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
