Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Randomize
