So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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