i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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