I skipped work to stalk him.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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