Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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