I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
