i can't believe i had my finger in that
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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