we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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