Plan B is the new Plan A
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
