I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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