I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
