I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
