My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The police scanner is talking about you again....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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