If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Your cock deserves a montage
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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