1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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