doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I need to calm my uterus...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
