i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
