WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
God, I missed his penis.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
