the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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