i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
