We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
