We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
