i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My life is pants optional.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
