Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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